How to eat "wagon wheels"

[No-bars Simpleton]

I say Chaps, our hyper-sensitive listening equipment at Sqn HQ picked up the following conversation: It was picked up because the conversation had the word "wagon" in it!

TRANSCRIPT ON:
Previous bits are garbled.................
Crowman stated:
I am honoured to receive the very special wagon wheels.

DukeBoy replied:
Well i hope you will be sharing these out Martyn

Crowman replied:
Well mate, i will but you have to eat it whilst standing on one leg wearing your coat backwards.

TRANSCRIPT OFF:

Well, Chaps, this got me thinking!

Much has been made of the fact that, last year, we handed out the confectionary known as "Wagon Wheels" to a few of our saloonie chums at Japbash, along with the re-hydrating "Wagon Water".

Martyn has never forgotten this act of supreme kindness. What a fine chap he is, without a doubt! I had forgotten that, not being a wagon owner, he had had to eat the wagon wheel in the strange fashion described above! (any photos of this?)

Seems to me, fellas and chaps and dingle-daisies, that maybe we should make the gesture of making them easier to eat from now on?

Perhaps we could perform "tests" on the Tactical Mayhem Team, currently in the safe hands of "Chocks" Chockington!

Waddya think Chaps?

Simpleton out..............................

My humble apologies for my absense in the last few days SIR!

I have been in my shed mastur........ errmm......... errmm.........errmm......... inventing!

I am as ever your willing and humble servant. I accept this terribly dangerous mission on behalf of the TMT and look forward to the imminent chocolate interigation! SIR!!!

Chocks OUT!

[No-bars Simpleton]

I SAY!!! Chocks old chap! You are going to have to spend time on the "Naughty Step" for dereliction of duty!!!

Squadron Manual Section 7, titled "Sexual thoughts while on duty" refers to the need for all staff to keep a clear head at all times. If you resort to "manual shenanigens" while wearing the uniform of the "triple five", only harm can result.

Whilst the manual states that [all pilots and ground crew require a "steady hand"], you need to be focussing on helping Ken Cobalt out of his paddle predicament sharpish!


F Off Krud "No-bars" Simpleton out................................

Time spent on the naughty step accomplished SIR!

Please accept my humblest apologies for my meandering hands in a moment of weakness!

I have chastised myself severely .........................


......... which was nice

I have developed several failsafe methods of Wogon Wheel ingestion. I will be only too happy to demonstrate these to you and any of the other senior flying officers. I do however require some input on my "angle of attack" so that would be highly and splendiforously appreciated.... SIR!

Chocks out! What what what

[No-bars Simpleton]

I say Chocks! Angle of attack and all that?

What cottage pie that is! Just stuff it in I say. Any angle will do! Just have a tissue handy! Goes without saying, rally!

As for the saloonies, now they are in a different ball park with this one. Gotta retract the teeth into the gums, or there could be lasting damage, and a different spoken accent at the end of it, what!

Once you have perfected the "after wagon wheel dribble" down the cheek, we can perform some tests on dear old Martyn!

Should be fun, what!

I am holding my pram fat distributor in excitement!!