ATTENTION potential new recruit Chocks Chockington

[SUBARMAN]

Although you are attempting to enlist merely as "Ground Crew" and are recorded on Squadron files as a "saloonie", you are required to describe in not more than 150,000 words why you are suitable to receive ground crew training with the glimmer of hope that you may one day soar along the tarmac in an "estate car" of your own!

Don't hold back! Be as "gushing" as you want!

Dear SIR!

I feel that I am truly ready to take up this honoured position of "ground crew" for many different reasons.

Since a very young (ish) age, I have longed to join in with the goings on that I have witnessed across a plethaura of Scooby Forums. I would chuckle heartily and longingly at the exploits carried out in the "call of duty" that your revered pilots did with much aplomb. Being from a saloonie background, I always thought that I would have to just watch admiringly from afar and never be allowed to join your ranks in any way, shape or form. But........ I was wrong!

Whether it was the collapse of the Berlin Wall, the failure of Dewhurst the Butchers, a win at the bingo, Burt & Ethel, a particularly good portion of saveloy and chips, too many petrol fumes, 5 legged horses, Fulham FC establishing themselves as a quality Premiership team, Viking raiders, cheese, derring doo and splendifourousness or just good luck? I will never know! But..... you have allowed a lowly saloonie an outside chance to be taken under your splendid wings.

As a person I am an honest, hard working and committed family man. I have a zest for life and enjoy nothing more than having a good time and a laugh with like minded people. This is where I know I will fit in with the "Squadron" as I am very like minded. Life is too short to worry about what people think about the likes of us having some fun. Be it dressing up in "squadron" uniforms, posing with tactical weapons for photographs while standing at jaunty angles, secret missions, scarf starching missions or whatever it may be. I am ready, willing and proud to potentially become a member of this legendry squadron.

The following list is what I would term as my lifes accomplishments, I feel these will maybe convince you of my worth to the "squadron" now and for many years to come:

1: Cracking the Enigma Code, while playing skittles with Churchill

2: Eating a whole rice pudding (including the skin)

3: Writing the script for the first series of "Star Trek"

4: Teaching Shane Warne how to bowl a "googly"

5: Taking apart and rebuilding a Spitfire Merlin engine in 4 seconds (thanks mainly to my discovery of a rip in the fabric of time which I entered with the engine and my tools, the engine took 12 hours and 17 minutes in real time but thanks to my discovery got Spiffy Gingerson back fighting the "Hun Hordes" in the blink of an eye )

6: I invented Ginger

7: I also invented the "Inter Continental Ballistic Weaponry Gyroscopic Device"

8: I am able to run a bath without the aid of a safety net

9: While on a secret mission I once saw the darstedly and deadly "Tarpaulin Man", to which I alerted a very young Ken "The Pouch" Cobalt to and he was able to save the world from this wicked and evil being

10: The ability to shout Hurrah in a jingoistic yet still bursting with national pride fashion

11: I can whisper

12: I am able to balance a ladder / chair etc on my chin (honest I actaully can )

There are many other reasons which I can and will state at a later and more secret location if required. I fear if I were to write them here that it may cause the countries alert state to rise to code red.

I hope that you are all able to look at these credentials and give this lowly saloonie this chance to prove his worth to the "Squadron"! For Queen, Blighty and all jolly spiffing chaps everywhere.

Your humble and excited servant

Chocks Chockington

[SUBARMAN]

INITIAL ASSESSMENT BY SQUADRON PSYCHIATRIC TEAM:

This man is made of the right stuff! Could eventually be considered for pilot training, but for now, thought to be too valuable to the "Tactical Mayhem Team"!


COMMENT: FULL ENDORSEMENT RECOMMENDED

HURRAH

Spiffing news SIR!

[Gonza]

Welcome aboard comrade!!!

Hope to see you soon...

HUUUURRRAAAHHH!!!

Over...

Rich

[*LJB*]

Welcome to the Squadron.